I just don't get it

Today, I feel weird, unnecessarily bored, and maybe a tad bit upset. I don't know why. Maybe i do have an idea of somethings that are making me feel this way, but I'm finding it hard to accept them.

There is this thing that happens to me on Sundays, especially on Sunday evenings,when I look outside my window, and see how the setting set's reflection bounces on the leaves . It is beautiful,yes it is, but it comes with a sense of loneliness too.

Not the kind that would make me cry or wail,but the type that makes me wish for a split second, I was in the arms of someone i felt every unconditional pint of love for, and vice versa. 

It doesn't last very long , but it lingers for a while . It grabs every ounce of my emotions and feels at that point, but then I get better.

Noooowwww, I feel wayyy better now, about ten minutes or so after.

Now a little about this and that about an updated learning of myself, I am a multi-potentialite/ multi-hyphenate. I think it is a beautiful thing and I am learning more about it, and it makes my life way better.

Enough chit chat for now. 
I'm offffffffff.

Cheeeerssss 💥

Yours Forever, Nenlo . ( PART TWO)

So , you wanna come in and sit with me for a bit ? ‘ she asked, twisting and twirling her lips . 

Nenlo was lodged in a private cottage at the east end of the town . Just she and her aids. Two guards and two maidservants .  

Errr, no , actually , I have to go pick up my children from school ‘ he replied,as he turned to back her .

Newitt , it’s okay ‘ she said as she perched on the red the swing bench on the front pouch . 

Nenlo , I honestly have to go. It’s a few minutes after one , and I don’t want to be late to pick them ‘ he added, turning back to face her . 

Ughhh , you’re always dodging this side of things ,’ she said calmly.

Nenlo, what side ? What are you even saying ‘ he asked innocently . 

The side were you act like you’re actually betrothed to me. ‘ she replied in a loud voice . 

Newitt laughed for about a minute, then said his goodbyes. 

You parents should have to you, you can’t escape this ‘ she yelled . 

Her two guards jumping up in fright, only to realize, it was just the princess in her usual mood . 

Nenlo’s parents King and Queen Mortin, has sent her to chantew town , to get to know Newitt better , because they already had an arrangement with his parents that they’re daughters would need to marry from a royal family, and Newitt happened to be the a descendant of a royal family .

Newitt sighed as he rode back to the town, all he could think of was the word “ betrothed” . 

He had even had even time to move on from his dead wife , now this . His parents must be joking ‘ he thought. He doubled the pace of his riding, and tried to take his mind off his discussion with Nenlo .

Neri, now 8, and Kenri now 5 , sat beside each other on the wooden stairs leading to the school, and played chess from the box Neri had gotten from school for being the best in the just concluded maths quiz competition. 

Dad’ they both yelled , their curly tan brown hair flying behind them , as they ran to hug their dad. 

Look what I got ‘ Kenri yelled, as he realized he left his chess box behind .

Evening ‘, Mr Nomje ‘ Miss Fonshen called out from the entrance of the school. 

Kenri, die forget your gift ‘ she reminded him as she approached Newitt.

Mrs Fonshen, was a stunningly beautiful dark skinned young lady. Most likely in her early thirties. She had been transferred from the city to their town , Chatew, by the board of educational services for the state. Her slender body with soft curves in the right places, and her lips red as an apple. 

She knew how to take care of the children, and she didn’t dress as scantily as the teacher , Menza, that just left did, so everyone liked her , especially the mothers. 

She was the assistant head teacher , but she also thought the children across all classes English. 

Newitt smiled shyly at her, as he gently to the chess box from her. 

What’s this for? ‘ he asked .

Kenri immediately told his dad everything that happened that day , and his dad was so pleased he invited Miss Fonshen to the farm for dinner.

She tried to politely refuse , but Kenri wasn’t having it, so she finally accepted the offer. 

Newitt promised to pick her up latest by six, at any location of her choosing. She nodded shyly, and waved at them goodbye . 

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The ride back home was on of the longest Newitt had had in a long time, because Kenri kept asking why they couldn’t get a new mom .  Newitt tried to explain to him that it wasn’t that easy , and that he was trying . Kenri still insisted ,when Newitt  got tired of explaining to his son , was quiet the remaining way home. 

It was 5:15 , and there was a knock on the door . It was Miss Fonshen, she had decided to come on own, with the town’s commercial carriage to lessen the stress for  Newitt . Deep down , Newitt gave her a 5/5 in the area of understanding. 

During dinner, Newitt asked her so many questions about the city, her life growing up and about being a teacher. The conversation didn’t end until about 9:00pm. After they had tucked both Kenri and Neri into bed. 

Ooops, ‘ she exclaimed looking at the wall clock . 

They had enjoyed each other’s company , they forgot to check the time. 

Well, it’s a Friday today, Miss Fonshen, I don’t see why you can’t stay in the guest house till tomorrow. 

But I don’t even have clothes to change to ‘she  told him, her eyes wide open .

I’d get you some ‘, come with me , he said as he led her to the guest house. 

It was just a small version of their brick house , right behind the main house. The walls were painted peach, the house had a stuffy smell, so she opened the windows to let some fresh air in. It had a very small kitchen and living room space. The bathroom was old, but very neat and well maintained. 

She packed her hair in a bun, took off her yellow and brown dotted knee length sundress , and was left with only her black corset , a black bra and a pair of black skin tight shorts . After waiting for about five minutes without seeing Newitt , she fell asleep on the old brown couch in the living room. 

Newitt came in about five minutes after she had fallen asleep , apologizing as he knocked and let himself in. 

Ooops , he let out as he saw she was partially undressed . 

He gently covered a duvet over her slender body and left the folded clothes he got from Namaje’s closet . 

She briefly opened her eyes, thanked him, and went back to bed. 

Newitt, watched her sleeping for a while, then turned off the light and headed back to the house. 

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The ride back was quiet and peaceful. Kenri and Neri were back at the farm, doing some chores and also helping the farm workers with very minor jobs, like packing the raked weeds. 

Drande, the town’s hairdresser , who was the chief gossip in the village and also a people pleaser ,as she was headed for work spotted Miss Fonshen in Mr Newitt ride coming from the direction of his farm, and squealed in delight. 

Everybody that had come to her shop that day learnt about what she saw , including Nenlo , who wasn’t having it easy listening to Drande , shake her large hips here and there as she described how compatible and happy they looked together .

So the brown boy floated past

It was yet another time to push and struggle through the never reducing crowd. With legs wrapped around my sister’s waist, my full body weight totally on her, as I leaned onto her back ,I believe . My brother, somewhere beside us, or maybe far ahead, and free from the crowd and pushing .

It was the end of another day of the children’s summer program, and we had to make to the car park to meet our dad, who was waiting for us. 

Amidst the struggles, the little brown boy spoke up and said something along the lines of “you’re cute”. He certainly wasn’t talking to my sister , but she sure as hell heard it, and that was the beginning of the teasing session.

We “my elder sister”, was pretty vested in this brown boy , so from that day hence , he sat with us during the summer program. We talked, him and I , but I was shy . He knew , I think he mentioned it one time we talked. 

I was about five years old, he was about the same age or maybe a year or two older . I became fond of him, I liked him so much, and he liked me even more, I believe. 

The summer program finally ended, and I wasn’t even sure of what was going to happen. I looked forward to going to church, those days. On days when I was lucky enough he’d come, but I cant remember having much time with him.

A few glances, a shy smile, and maybe , just maybe on one or two occasions, he sat close to me, maybe behind me. Even if we didn’t get to talk properly, because we had to go home, the mere fact that I saw him, made my heart jolly.

Summer was coming to an end, the brown boy disappeared. No goodbyes , no shy smiles exchanged, no teasing , no note . Just gone. I stopped seeing him in church .

My mind began to run wild , for a five year old , I had quite an intense mind . I got some information about the house he lived in, off Allen avenue . I looked at it whenever either of my parents drive past it on our way to church .

One day, I think I saw a brown boy , but the car went too fast for me to know if it was him. I just looked till I couldn’t look anymore . 

My brown boy had gone for good . All I got was his name “ Oluwatimilehin” . The last I heard of him was that he travelled overseas, and I knew it was a lot case. 

My heart wept , but I kept pushing on till my little self met somebody else . Bloom Davies. This time no bold comment , more communication, more smiles , more connections, what made it better was that our mothers were friends so we had more time to shy-talk when the we’re talking . 

For Bloom, I remember more about him. I even got dissed cause of him lol. It was funny , but kind of fun. 

Then again, Bloom had to go, overseas again. This time , I think he told me , or at least his mum told my mum. My heart melted again and that was it for church love . 

Two brown boys , one golden girl . Several smiles . Several talks . One day here , one day away . 

If you have a brown boy, hold him tight .

Cheers 💕

Two brown boys 

Two thorns of flesh

Is this how little you think of me ? ‘ Lantan asked, turning his face towards the pastel green freshly painted door.

Lantan, was a brown skinned mixed race man , with grey puppy dog eyes ,slim faded pink lips and small pointed nose.  He loved his head skinned and shiny , his beards full but neatly trimmed, and his six feet two body built, like a bouncer . 

Yes , Broina answered, carefully arranging her brown vintage suitcase. Her voice was shaky , and the things in her box were partially soaked with tears. 

She was a tall but not too beautiful young lady . She was about six foot one , with a dyed brown lowcut , and a rectangular shaped body . She was very into fitness , she never missed her morning runs. Her skin was beautiful, very dark skinned , almost like charcoal, but her skin shone like gold.

It’s okay , I’d be fine eventually, ‘she continued. 

But it wasn’t just sex ‘ Lantan yelled . It was me , you and the universe.

Broina giggled, and shook her head. She was going to let that one slide. After all , she was leaving already . 

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She was dressed and ready to go. She wore a pink ruffled sundress, and a pair of brown mules. Her still had the faint hint of brown dye. She wore a square shaped pair of brown shades. It almost covered her whole face. 

As she made her way to the door, through the dark living room , Lantan called out from the darkness. 

So this is it , a year and a half down the drain  ‘ His voice cracked as he spoke. 

She ignored him and took two more steps towards the door. She stretched her hand to check if it was open . She opened the door wide, and dropped her suitcase in front of the door, then closed it back . 

Lantan sat up from the dark grey sofa, he was lying on , waiting for what she was going to do next . 

Broina walked towards Lantan, hitting her feet as she tried to make her way in the darkness. 

She sat down beside Lantan, and placed her hand on his right thigh. 

Hey ‘ she called out, her voice was already faint.

Hey yourself ‘ Lantan replied, as a weak smile spread on his face. 

I know, you think this is uncalled for , I know you think I should stay and let us figure this out , but at the same time I know you know this is for our own good ‘ Broina said , trying to speak in a more audible voice . 

The fights, the midnight calls, her name , her phone number plastered on all your kitchen cabinets ‘ her voice was high pitched this time. 

It drives me nuts Lat, and I tried for heaven’s sake I tried to just be calm old Broina but I just can’t pretend. It’s killing me inside . It kills me everyday. 

I hope that one day we’d be able to get over this, that she’ll actually not be in our way . For today, I just crave peace of mind and I can’t get it here anymore. 

Okay ‘ Lantan answered.

Squeezing her into a hug , and sobbing into her shoulder. 

She hugged him back and placed a peck on the top of his bald head. 

She stood up and walked out.

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Broina adjusted her headset as she cocked the ‘33 caliber pistol, and pointed at her aim. 

The gun went off, so did the bullet . She took off her headset and walked towards her target to see how successful she was, but was interrupted by someone clapping behind her. 

Wooooo , that was a damn good aim , Drudna said. 

Broina rolled her eyes and kept walking towards her target. She had hit the forehead alright . 

Mmmmmmm ‘ she let out loudly and nodded ,  as a way of praising herself. 

Still here , ‘ Drunda called out.

What for ? ‘ Broina asked. 

Did you tell him ? ‘ she asked .

Tell him what ? ‘ Broina replied .

Who you really are ? ‘ she asked 

Duhhh, Broina laughed , I know what you’re talking about smartie pants.

Uggggh , you’re so annoying. 

I know. Now leave me alone . You’re not even meant to be talking to me ‘ Broina said as she rolled her eyes . 

Yeah okay , good luck with the therapist tomorrow ‘ Drunda said as walked away .

Broina turned .

Thanks D ! ‘ she yelled . 

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So how are you today Broina .....  Meschav ‘ Mr Fonde asked .

Well fine, but definitely not finer than you ‘ she replied , with a side smile .

He was very bright skinned with chiseled jaws, beautiful dentition and a full beard . He was of average height , between five seven and five nine . 

He had a very built body for a therapist. Broina sensed some kind of weird energy when she first saw him, but shook it off . 

Hey , can I call you therapist F ? ‘ she asked mockingly . 

Call me whatever,’ he said, studying her face . 

Okay okay , what about Sexy TF ? ‘ she asked again.

He waved his hand to reveal his shiny gold wedding band and told her it was totally inappropriate.

Okay okay , fine , what do you want ? ‘ she finally said, giving up on the mind games . 

Tell anything you’re ready to tell me, anything at all’ he said .

Mmmm okay . How about this .

I fell in love with the man I was meant to be watching like a hawk. I made him spilt up with his girlfriend of six years , and somehow he fell in love with me. Now I can’t even go a day without thinking about him. 

How’s that ? ‘ she asked . 

Go on ‘ he said .

Not only did I find out that he’s squeaky clean , I found out that he is the son of the infamous Labser, the most amazing movie director ever . Best of all, he’s the most amazing human I’ve ever met. Lantan I mean . 

I can’t keep going on, I want out of this craziness. Please . 

I would drop my badge, my position, everything I know . 

Did you meet this his “girlfriend”? ‘ Mr Fonde asked .

Why is this so important? ‘ She asked .

Cause we would need every bit of information you have ‘ he replied , adjusting his suit . 

And if I’d rather not answer ? ‘ she asked . 

Then you’d get this , he pointed and cocked his ‘90 caliber at her , and ordered her to stand . 

She was dressed in a pair of coffee brown palazzo pants , a white sleeveless ruffled blouse , coffee brown knee length boots . 

On her hand , was the bracelet Lantan had gotten for her for her 30th birthday present. It never left her hand . 

She stood up slowly , her legs felt woobly, and her palms were wetter than they’ve ever been . 

He waved the gun towards the door , as he ordered her to move . She took three steps, bent like she was tired , took out her gun and pointed at “Mr Fonde”. 

Woof, too late ‘ he said as the bullet pierced her right arm .

She groaned loudly and passed out . 

Hello, ‘ Broina , or should I called you Fendus . ‘ Drunda asked as she laughed loudly .

My name is ..... ‘ she paused and observed Broina’s face . 

Broina was numb , she had been given way too many doses of Anastasia . 

Well just called me D , like you always do . 

We’ll get acquainted later on , but just so you know .

You took something that was mine. Something I owned for six year , something I was meant to .......... 

Lantan stabbed her with a syringe he found in that tray close to Broina’s bed and ran to meet her .

Broina’s heart was racing , she didn’t want to go with Lantan. She wasn’t sure how he found her , until she remembered the bracelet in her wrist . 

You’re safe ‘ he whispered into her right ear .

He carried her to his brown Ford truck , and placed her in the back seat . 

Broina couldn’t look around , but she heard voices around her , so she knew they weren’t alone. 

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The Anastasia began to wear off, and her mind raced faster . She tried to sit up without startling Lantan. She recognized the place they were , but she didn’t understand why they were there . 

The car jerked to a stop, and Lantan tried to open the back door , but couldn’t. She had locked it during the drive. He fiddle with the remote control, his face engrossed in trying to open the door . 

As he opened it , she kicked him in the face . She was still weak from all that Anastasia, but used all her strength to struggle.

Take this filth out of my car, ‘he yelled to two very muscular men .

There , ‘he pointed to a yellow old Mercedes Benz about three feet away from where they were standing. Take her there Manlanzo is waiting to take her to the plantation. Tell him to never take his eyes off her , and makes sure she works at least 20 hours a day . 

He spat on her boots as the men dragged her to the Mercedes Benz .

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Both men fell down , almost at the same time .

Broina laid in the ground , and slowly crawled towards Lantan. His gun was pointed in her direction , she stressed her hand towards him . 

I love you ‘ she said repeatedly as the bullet from the unknown snipper pierced through his forehead. 

I love you . 

THE END 

Yours forever, Nenlo . (PART ONE)

Newitt, raked the dried leaves from beneath the mango tree. It was just beginning to get dark, and Nanja, his wife , and his two little sons Neri and Kenri , 5 and 2 respectively hadn’t gotten back from the drama festival they held once every month .

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Nanja had always been a sucker for drama and acting, since she was a kid, that’s actually how she and Newitt met. Although, her father was the stable keeper for Newitt’s farmer, the only time Newitt could summon that courage to talk to her was when her caught her acting mother with two hens that escaped from the chicken farm. 

As he approached her, the hens scurried away , so he stopped , as he watched her cajole them back . 

Why aren’t they scared of you ? ‘ he had asked .

She smiled and shrugged , and continued playing with them .

That day , Newitt learnt a lot about hens from Nanja , much more than he had known in twelve years of existence. Since then, they became inseparable . 

Newitt’s mother , Tenje noticed it, and warned him against it . 

She’s but a commoner, Ne ‘ she always sha , caressing his brown curly hair that fell on his back .

At age twelve , Newitt was almost taller than his dad, he was about five feet, nine inches . His body build was slender, but firm and upright . There was no such thing as bending , because of his height, and also because his mother won’t have it. 

He had two younger sister that he cherished and would protect with all his heart . Gontre , the older of the two , was nine when Newitt was twelve , and Henshe , was six . 

On of the days when Newitt would sneak out of the farm to go on adventures with Nanje, he would bribe both his sisters with a mango and two apples each , which he bought with the wages paid to him for daily work on that farm by his dad. 

This went in for months , and because worse when he started attending school in town. He would go to the corn fields with Nanje , right after school closed . Newitt started school very late , at the age of twelve, after the teachers and the miners convinced him to let his son start school .

Newitt was very good at catching up with school work, but the best part was when he had to go and spend time with Nanje . 

It stopped a few days after Newitt turned fifteen. His mother was looking for dried wood to make a fire, and couldn’t find any. Newitt’s father , Pronje , had gone to town to send the evening with fellow men . He put Newitt in charge of the house before he went to school , and even reminded him when he saw him in town. 

In search of the wood, Tenje had tripped over a side table and fallen down. Gronte, ran to help her up , and Henshe tried her best to assist . 

They finally got her on a horse , and Gronte , the house’s champion rider , hurriedly road her down the lonely path that led to town. 

I’m scared, Henshe cried as she reached out to accord her mom’s body to touch Gronte. 

Don’t worry , henny , everything would be okay, alright ? She called out. 

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The doctor placed his hand over her sweaty forehead and let out a sigh of relief .

It’s a mild concussion, she have to be in bed rest for about one week ‘he said .

I’d give you some herbs that’ll work for her as well.

Just make sure she’s not going through any stress at all ‘ he continued.

But this time , Gronte had told her father what had happened , he got there  as fast as he could, and ask her to go in search of Newitt. 

After about thirty minutes of searching , she found Newitt behind the baker’s house , kissing Nanje . 

Newt ‘ she screamed , how dare you ! 

Nanje ran away , embarrassed and shy that his sister had witnessed their first kiss .

Uggghh what now ? ‘ he asked turning , to see who it was .

When he saw it was his sister , he to her and asked her why she was in town . 

It’s mum , ‘ she fell, she was unconscious.Dad said I should come get you . 

Oh my Lord ‘ Newitt yelled, covering his mouth with the back of his palm.

He dragged Gronte along with him as he ran as fast as he could. 

Gronte’s slender body followed his every move as they made it to the clinic . 

His dad , stood six feet tall, his hands at akibo, as his straight hair danced to the direction of the wind. He was a very well built man. With muscles and well chiseled face, people often wondered why he stayed back in the country side . 

He was dressed in dark blue “jalabiya” , and a pair of brown leather lace up sandals . His face was twisted in a frown and his mouth moved slowly as he prayed quietly.

You ‘ , he yelled , pointing at Newitt as he approached the clinic . 

You better now come home today ‘ he continued, come back when you decided how to set your priorities right . 

Newitt, fell to the ground and wept bitterly, and after so much begging from the people from town , he decided to allow him return home the next day . On the grounds that he was not longer going to attend school again . 

Pronje loved his wife with everything within him . He had met her when he was on a “vacation” to this town, her town, Nobe. 

She was the waitress that served him his first meal, and he was smitten by her beauty and composure. He had asked her several times to have a date with him, just days after he had first seen her , but she declined.

All them foreigners just come, sleep with ‘em town girls and go away . It’s their way , ain’t nobody falling from that again , except you head been hit a crane ‘, her mum sister, Aunty Temme said at dinner the day she caught Tenje reading a letter from him .

As time went on , he proved himself worthy , and settled in the town , which was totally and completely against his father’s wishes.

Pronje was a Prince in his own town , a much bigger town , and he was also a graduate betrothed to marry a fellow royal child . The vacation he took was just to see the world one last time before he took up his royal  duties . 

Seeing the way Pronje loved Tenje , him and his sisters , taught Newitt how to love and care for others . 

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Newitt paced around the front of the gate, thinking of whether to ride to town yet or not . As he walked towards the stable to get a horse, he heard the sound of hoofs approaching the farm. 

His son Neri  was riding it , Nanje’s body  was laid across the back of horse, and Kenri was missing . 

He checked his wife’s pulse, and felt nothing.

He hopped on the horse , and asked Neri to ride to where he came from .

They found Kenri on the way , badly injured and almost unconscious. Neri in the other hand wasn’t responding to any questions Newitt asked as they rode to town.

As they got to the clinic, the doctor tried to stabilize Nanje , but she kept slipping in and out of consciousness. 

The finally was stable for about and hour. Newitt, never left her side , except to see how other children were doing . 

Love again ,’ she managed to say when he got back into the room . 

Love ag...... ‘ her voice went flat . 

So did the line on the improvised ekg machine . 

Newitt cried and wept for days . After his children recovered he took them back to the farm. 

All he did was work in the farm, take his children to school and bring them back . He also took cooking classes in the town whenever he had spare time, cooking was something he loved to do. 

Nenlo was new to town , she was on vacation , and decided to take a few cooking classes to. 

 Newitt and Nenlo quickly got acquainted with each other , as Nenlo spoke about his parents so fondly . 

Yeahh , they’re amazing people ‘ Nenlo always concludes with a giggle. 

THE END . 

Part two soon . 

WRITING UPDATE !

Omggggg ! I feel trapped in my own mind. I have different stories in my head, and that’s how it is or I’d see a writing prompt and immediately develop a story surrounding it .

Nowwww, I can’t breathhheeeee. Like I need to let out stories in my mind , but it’s just hard . Okay that’s enough . I’d try again . And again and again and again .

That happened earlier today, Sunday the first. I eventually decided to write on a story line that i had been sitting on for a while now for maybe a year, or close to a year . Found my pretty little idea book and started writing.

For those of you that  don't know, I love mountain towns, small cities with aesthetically pleasing views, cozy environments, just artsy things really. most of my stories hence forth might adopt those kinds of settings.

Also, I might also write some more African stories as time goes on. I've written a few in the past, and I have an unfinished book too with African setting, but for now let's leave it where it is.

I really don't like editing, and I know several people have offered, but the wait for them to get back to me after editing can be very long, so please excuse all my mistakes.

I would also be posting my personal input here, as you can tell, this is kind of an online journal for me.

If you are interested in seeing what kind of write-ups and stories I was into in the past two years check out www.shereadsheheard.wordpress.com. Like i said in an earlier post, I'm back here fully, and I would be posting stories, more regularly.


Cheers!💪

Non-Sterilized Checkup .

You feel like you are very okay with yourself,with the assessment of yourself by yourself.

You feel you're okay, you're fine, all you need is to face your work and forge ahead.

The thing is, you are broken, hurt and worse than you've ever thought. Probably ten times worse.

You suspect something might be wrong with you, because you've managed to push almost everyone that has come close to of late.

I mean, they know you're a good person, they know you have a kind soul, and a colorful personality, but there's something that is stopping you from letting them come too close.

You get  scared,frightened, uneasy and uncomfortable when someone is coming too close. You find out everything that is wrong with them, that would make you and them not to "gel" well.

You mind is pushing back, your heart is at rest, your soul tells you to chill, to hold on.

One minute you're deep inside your feelings creating the future you want with someone (faced or faceless) , next you're deeply sure you will end up alone with so many cats. Might as well be crowned the new cat woman.

The only time you are at rest, is when you're working, day dreaming or making up scenarios of yourself doing things you'd love to do eventually.

In your day dreams, you've bought the single tickets to that "romantic destination" , for strictly business purposes.  You eventually end up swimming naked in the middle of the lake in the nearest mountain town.

It's fun, it makes you feel more alive than you've ever been. It makes your heart pump fresh warm blood that makes your veins quiver. You're sure this is where you want to settle in.

You walk  around the streets of the town, taking in everything you notice. The old woman across the road hugging her green grocery tote as she struggling to gain her balance. The baker who packages his bagels like his life depends on it.

You close your eyes and open them hoping to get out of the day dream, but you don't, you can't . You are someone trapped, the dream isn't over yet. You turn to go back to your rented cottage, but something draws your attention.

It's not unusual, but it gets to you because you crave it. It is the reason you're day dreaming in the first place. You squint to get a glimpse of what it is you're seeing. It's you , with the kind person you always wanted to end up with before you gave up.

The kind of person that made the list you made when you were eighteen years old a joke. The person that watches you like a mother hen watches her chics. The person takes random pictures of your silly acts, and tell you how well you'd kill your  next presentation at work. The one that just hugs you and
laughs at your odd dreams of changing the world because you eventually say you can't do them, but they believe you can.

Just as you are about to reach out to the person, to ask if you were ever going to experience such "peace and love" in your life. The old woman you saw earlier on, taps you, you turn and she says "keep fighting", " don't let the past dictate who you are now, or who you would become".   

you grit your teeth in disgust, and turn back to you and the person and you, but they're nowhere to be found. You turn back to ask the old woman for direction, but all you see is a billboard that says: LOVE AND LIVE.

As you drift back to reality, the sound playing in the background welcomes you back as it end slowly:

Cause in the end, it's you,yourself and you, so what's its gonna beeee"???


ME. YOU AND I . We all have pasts that hurt. I've healed lots of times, its long , slow ,hard and dreadful. It's easier to rest into the comfort of the remnant of the wreck a heartbreak, grief or loss can leave you in. It's never really healthy cause toxicity sets in , and that's draining.

I know this cause I'm at that point in my life, and I'm trying and striving to be a better version of myself today and even ore tomorrow. I HOPE I GET THERE , AND PEOPLE THAT COME INTO MY LIFE AFTER ARE PATIENT ENOUGH TO HELP ME THROUGH IT ALL.

Cheers....