Just don't

Why did you  pretend to care,
When you really don't
Or even If you did,
That's probably in the past now. 

Why did you make me fall for you
Then start acting weird
I was totally trying
Not to get hooked
On your charm, but you fooled me

Just leave me be
I told you, you refused,
What do you want from me please ?
To ruin me ?
The part in me  that loves
Is somewhat ruined
There's nothing left to destroy

So
Please , please , leave me be
I just want the pressure on my chest
To reduce
I want to be able to sleep
Without thinking thrice .
You made me fall a little
I'm not falling any further
Go with your charms
Go woo another girl.

Just don't try to ruin me further
I can't take anymore instabilility

           

One for you

You were too nice
Very rare these days
I was a little uncomfy
But I just decided to keep calm
And accept the kind gesture

First few days were wonderful ,
You know the right words to blurt out
You know how to act
Maybe something happened on the way
Its not even up to three weeks
And you've started acting like the rest
For a second, I thought you were different
I'm sorry for being wrong .

Why me ?

I spoke with him,
A week ago ,
His Voice so unstable,
Me, so hasty to hang up,
But , before I could
Memory brought back
The day he almost tore
Me apart ,
The day every inch
Of my body
Was trapped beneath his lust .

That day , my whole body
Trembled against your large chest
As you forced my body to respond
To you sexual desires ,
My body begged for you to stop
But you were over whelmed by
Your actions , you didn't know
I was hurting.

I dunno how I got saved from
Your monstrous grip but I did,
I wonder how you feel when
You see me walk past
I mean, I was barely even a teen
I guess you just wanted to see how
It felt to pluck a beautiful flower ,
Glad you didn't have the chance .

Just a crack

Have you ever met someone that makes you feel like a princess?
I know I intentionally didn't say queen .
If you have , you'll understand why this writeup.

Here it goes :
You always knew him, he always liked you.
But you just felt pretty neutral about him ,
In your mind , he is the nicest and most decent guy ever .
You guys have hung out a couple times ,
But with restrictions , distance and curfew .
Then , finally you have the time to hang out well ,
No curfew , same location , barely any restrictions
And you try to hold you firmly built walls
But he's to sweet for that
He's not having any of that

Then there appears a crack on
The wall
And a little pint of vulnerability
Creeps in ,
And you just dunno how
To handle even the slightest emotions again
Because you locked them out
For your own safety
So you're stuck in the sea
Of vulnerability.

Best friend forever

I am yet to recover
From the years
Of your absence
In my life.

I knew you
played a big role
In my life
But I didn't fully
Realize it ,
Till you left me.

I know you didn't
Leave me intentionally
But my heart and mind
Couldn't understand
So they acted
How broken hearts act.

You were a huge part
Of me
Taking you out was like
Taking a part of me out
No friendship
Has been the same
Or even close to
What we had .
I need you to come back

- you're my best friend forever   
          
 

Where is Mummy ?

  Yesterday, I walked into the living room of my father's house and felt a breeze of dullness overwhelm me . No, it wasn't the furniture or the walls , it was the absence of my mother .

        On a normal day , when I arrive home after a journey , I'm mostly embraced with the sound of mother's voice from the kitchen. " who is it"? Is her most familiar question to ask, but not yesterday .
     
      Everything felt different , although to my surprise , the boys kept the kitchen neat & tidy. It still wasn't mum-like.
     
      There was no mum to ask how my journey was , how where I was coming from was , no mum to share my new experiences and stories with. No mummy to ask if the tiles are shiny, so she'll know whether or not to experiment with another cleaning product. The list goes on.
      
       I thought about it for quite some  time , one person can make a huge difference in your life . Don't get it wrong when my mum is home , we have lots of misunderstandings, but that's it .
She's still someone , I'd never want to lose .

      She has always been there from inception till date , criticising and appreciating . Almost everybody I've been close to have left my life , but mum is still there , always has been , always will be .

Now I know why parents cry when their children are getting married , it sucks to see part of your home go away . 

I hope you find that someone that makes everywhere feel weird when they are not around. Someone that becomes home to you .😪.

PS : happy belated birthday to the best mum and best grandma . 💞💖

Many more years to my day 1 , A&F. 👏👏

my life 501

Hello everyone,

I wonder if anybody even comes to my blog, anyway so I want to try doing something for a week or there about. I am going to start telling you guys about my day, lets switch things up for a bit …

DAY 1

Okay , so at the moment I reside in Ibadan, yes all by myself L , buy food stuffs , and all by myself . BTW, growing up is a trap in case I never mentioned that. So today was a pretty random day, went to school , as usual, the principal disturbed we corp members , I heard something really ridiculous today , made me laugh my guts out, Can’t share on here anyway . Its PG 30. lol . I literally ran home today, cause my stomach kept messing with me,*sobs*. Seems like the banana and stew I ate this morning didn’t really sit well in my system, sigh.  At some point I felt like I was going to poo on myself lool, thank God I wasn’t sweating, would have spoilt my fine girl lool.

Apparently, the cab guy that picked me up didn’t pick any other person, you can’t imagine how weird that felt, thoughts just kept skipping through my mind.  When I almost reached my destination, I already started saying it out loud, before I’ll find myself in contonou. Thank God he dropped me where he was meant to. I had popcorn and groundnut for lunch/dinner and I topped it up with water LOL. I mean such refreshing LOL.

I’m watching this TV series titled “black mirror” the first episode is about a princess that was kidnapped and her ransom is that , the kidnapper wants the prime minister to have sex with a pig on national television , sigh* ,lool.

Anyway, that’s how my boring day went because there is no other event for the night, hope you had or you’re having a better day.

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

ADIOS….

TIMES TO REMEMBER ….

-      I will never forget the potato fries they usually give us in Mobil clinic when we fell sick that year.

-      I will never  forget the first time I got on a plane , it was my mum and I , I remember the weather was pretty terrible . Mumsi kept praying. But what did I know, I was barely 3.

-      I remember when I jumped down the bunk bed in my house and broke a front tooth.

-      I remember the first time; I actually tasted crispy chicken, Derilisoussuusus . LOL. I was in primary six. We had Saturday lesson in school, “ugo .c. Ugo “banter lool.

-      I remember composing songs with my brother using people’s weird name, LOL, like ours weren’t weird enough.

-      I remember the summers I learnt how to swim, best summers everrrrrrr!!!

-      I remember telling my mum about the stew my sister cooked.  Went thus: mummy, the stew is sweet. She used ketchup. LMAO.

-      I remember the look my mum gave, when she didn’t want us to eat in a visitor’s house . “eat first , and we’ll meet at home “ look.

-      I miss those visitors that gave us money when they were leaving our house ( mumsi collected like 70% of those ).

-      I remember the summer we lived in mobil guest house, an experience to remember, truly.

-      I remember leaving the snacks I was bought in the morning in my bag till, it was time to wash the bag, just imagine the sight  ,talk more of the smell.

-      I remember I hated making my hair , because it meant me putting my head in the middle of someone’s legs and trying not to die from the odor oozing out . LOOOL

-      I remember our trips to several states in Nigeria; I’d really love to go on those trips again.

-      I remember running away from masquerade, back when we still lived in Eket, Akwa-ibom state.

-      I remember disliking my seat patner in nursey one cause he always drooled when sleeping.

-      I remember when my mum said “kame tenzi” it meant you’re about to be caned.

-      I remember struggling the computer and remote with my brother all day.

-      I remember listening to “jams” on the radio every Friday with my siblings

-      I also miss listening to radio with my dad every Sunday evening .

-      I miss telling my dad all about my day at school and my sporting exploits.

-      I miss participating in sports , back in primary school.

-      I miss cultural dances in primary school.

-      Oh there was a lot to miss, oh childhood I love you.

DON’T DO IT, HOLD ON.

I was in a very dark place

I have thought about using pills

To end it all

I have wallowed in self-pity

For days and days

Listening to one song,

And letting my mind wander

Into dark places.

At that point,

It felt like the whole world

Was against me ‘

My routine was go for classes

Come home and stay in my dark room

Think about sad things

Till I finally fall asleep

There came a time

I thought about the pills,

They seemed like a better option

Than subjecting myself to endless

Torture of criticism

And shouts of how I failed

And how I would have

Been in a better place.

Darkness became my solace

The radio station that broadcasted

Sad stories in the midnight became

My only companion

Light was like the antagonist

Of my soul,

And I died bit by bit

Inside.        

I began to remember

Everybody that hurt me

I thought of just going to the shores of

A beach, to watch the waves dance in the

Moonlight .

To just take a walk and drown myself

In my tears and sorrow.

Everybody kept saying,

Being sad will not help you,

Better pick your books and read

But they didn’t understand

They didn’t get it,

That my soul was tired of the noise

And was just about ready to give up.

But I pulled through,

I don’t know how,

But I did

One day I decided to beat depression

I decided to let go of its ugly hand

I decided to refrain from its embrace.

It was then, I was able to overcome

It was then, I decided to pick up

Where it left me and do better for

Myself.

So don’t do it, please don’t,

Don’t pull that trigger,

Don’t tie that rope,

Don’t swallow those drugs,

Because the light at the end of the tunnel,

Is closer than you think.

EKAB TAKON

25/6/2017

10:54AM

THE FRIENDLY STRANGER

I talked to a friendly stranger today,

I didn't really get his name but,

 I learnt a lot from him,

I just let go of the stiffness within me,

It was so refreshing to make someone laugh again,

It was fun to talk to someone that wanted to hear,

My opinion on things and not judge me based on them,

It was refreshing to hear his story,

Of how he struggled his way even with the wooden

Spoon in his mouth,

It was relaxing to hear his view on things

Sensitive matters,

How he struggled his way to where he is today,

because he didn't give up, and 

How he still hopes for a better future,

And how he is going to keep striving,

It was then; I felt my heart melt a little

I then started thinking of how I fuss about,

The guy I like so much that doesn't even know

I  exist,

Or my business that I would have given up on,

If not for passion,

Then I realized that, life isn't going to end

Because you got your heart broken for

The hundredth time

Or because, you failed that job interview,

Or because you decided never to trust anyone again,

Or you’ve decided to give up on love like me

If you decided to lock everybody out.

Like me.

Today, I’m going to tell you something,

Something that you need to think about

Deep and hard.

Life is short,

We don’t know when we will die,

So today, give that thing you decided

To give up on a short

I’ve know it’s so hard

Trust me, I can feel my heart cringing

As I write this up,

Because it’s wondering if it’s capable

Of loving again, after so many heartbreaks,

But I’m going to give love one more chance,

I’m going to keep fueling my business with passion

Till I can no longer breathe,

I’m going to live like there is no tomorrow,

And one last time love like I’ve never been hurt

Because I don’t know what will happen tomorrow,

Because I learnt a lot from that friendly stranger,

And you should too.

LIVE A LITTLE …. YOU’LL NEVER REGRET IT.

Ekab Takon

23/6/2017

9:16pm

FOR THE BETTER

She let go of the nicest guy,

She ever met in her life,

Her heart ached for days,

Her tongue was bitter,

I’d get over it she said,

I will.

The past 4 months were the roughest

For her in her entire existence

She did things, she never thought

She’d do in a billion years,

Most of all, she was finally getting

A hang of her emotions,

Because Mr H broke her and smashed

Her heart entirely

While Mr R told her she was selfish because

She cared too much

Then Mr Nice guy won’t ever give her the light of day

She was tired of men

And her endless actions

That contradicts their words,

Unfortunately, mr nice guy neither had words

Or actions and that’s what hurt

She was tired of assuming whether he wanted

To know her even as a friend or otherwise 

She tried half her best, because her best

Was never even enough,

No he didn’t want to talk to her,

No he didn’t want to know her,

So she built a wall tall enough

And blocked him out

Hardest decision ever

She was too weak to fight

For his attention

She was too broken to try harder

She locked the nicest guy she met

Out of her life

I’m sure he doesn’t care

I’m sure he will block her out too.

LIFE: BLACK AND WHITE

I’ve loved

I’ve hated

I’ve lied

I’ve laughed

I’ve cried  

 I’ve drown

I’ve lived

I’ve existed

But I’ve survived

Life is no respecter of persons,

It does what it wants,

When it wants and how it wants,

And let me tell you something

I’ve learnt a lot about life

I’ll share a few things with you,

You may see that beautiful woman,

That lives in the house across from yours

And you may wonder why she isn't married,

Or why is is always sad,

Take it from me; life doesn't recognize any of such,

Tall, short, fat, slim, chubby, skinny,

Life comes as it comes,

I've also learned that you can’t force people

To like or love you, and if they eventually don’t

It’s their decision and its fine,

And that doesn't change the fact that

 You’re the world’s sweetest man or woman

Yes.

Not everybody can like you

You also cannot please everyone,

Just do your thing,

Also, your words are powerful,

Never forget that, think before you talk

Your actions are what people follow

Talk is cheap

You can do anything you set out to do

Just be faithful with it

Friendships are so important

Maybe more important than relationships

Don’t judge people by how they look,

Give people the benefit of a doubt

Try to befriend the opposite sex

Without any ulterior motive

Not every girl that ties 

a scarf is a saint  

Not every man that wears tie

And goes to church every day

Is an angel

Watch people closely

Feel free to read meanings to gestures

Give yourself a treat at least once a month

Look good, just because you can

Scream and shout when your best song comes on

Give people a piece of your mind, whenever you feel like

Follow your passion, if not

You’ll regret for the rest of your life

Key into positive vibes

It’s ok to want your alone time

It’s ok to build fences around your heart

It’s ok to cry when the girl in the movie has

To move to another town leaving her lover behind

Its ok, to nurse your broken heart and push people away

But you know what’s not ok?

Leading people on like something

Is going to happen along the line

 But you know? what its fine! 

Because that’s how life is

It could either be the light at the end of the tunnel

Or the straight line from the EKG machine showing that

…….

Its life and its black and white

EKAB TAKON

21/6/2017

1:10PM

PANDORA’S BOX

Whew!

Thank you for the long ride of terrorism

The long ride of deadly explosions

Toxic energy everywhere

From right, left and center,

You have the first half of my lifetime,

I’d like to have the rest now,

You ruined me,

You messed me up,

My heart aching like

It’s about to be ‘ripped out of my chest

You made me feel like

A pastry gone wrong,

But not anymore,

For a while now

 I’ve been trying to get rid of you,

To no avail,

But tonight is the night I end things,

I set you ablaze,

I send you to exile.

GO TORTURE SOMEONE ELSE.

Ekabosowo Etta Takon

Time and date resetting…

Please wait ….

GOODBYEE FEELINGS , GOODBYE EMOTIONS .

THE WOMAN

You like him a whole lot,

He is everything and more,

He is beautiful in his own way,

He is a proper gentleman,

BUT…..

You don’t know how he feels,

You can’t even decode his actions,

One moment he seems interested,

The next he is out cold,

You don’t want to seem desperate,

You don’t want to assume things

You’ve been hurt so many times,

You promised never to love again,

You say to yourself

“Woman, love is just going to hurt you again”

But each time you meet someone new,

You fall for them then you fall out,

It has become a circle for you,

Love now feels like a deadly disease to you

More like a cancer

And staying away from feelings is the chemotherapy,

You’re are beautiful in your own way,

Both within and without,

You’ve been hurt,

He has been hurt too,

Maybe even in worse ways than you can imagine,

Or maybe he is the kind that hurts people,

Either ways, you are afraid to take another leap,

Because the last one you took,

Was worse than the one you took,

And the one before that,

So goes the circle.

Here is what I have for you

Be strong,

Do what makes you happy,
love yourself,
spoil yourself

Life is too short .

Ekab  Takon

THE CRUSHED LILY

I’m damaged beyond words “cried the lily.

The last person that passed by stepped on my

Itty bitty tiny green heart and crushed it totally,

The month before it was Mr Farmer,

Six months ago,

It was the athlete,

He plucked away 6 of my petals

Six!

I’ve decided to hide my petals

I’ve decided to bury my all in the mud,

I’ve given all the beauty I could offer,

But in return for what?

a crushed heart and tainted petals

No! Cried the lily,

No flower deserves to be treated like this

Not even a rotten leaf deserves it.

I know what I’d do,

I’d paint all my petals black

Sit in the mud; suck up my broken heart,

And wait till I heal again,

I truly hope I heal,

Because if I don’t,

The whole will mourn,

It will mourn over the world’s most beautiful lily,

The green hearted lily that was crushed a lily too much.

And that is not something you want to experience.

Ekab Takon

20/6/2017

4:17pm

Paper girl series (part five): Now I can be happy.

This is the final part of this write-up

I met someone new,

I met someone,

Exactly like me,

This person is so kind,

So warm and encouraging,

Never did I think,

Someone like this still existed,

This someone agreed

To build my paper town

With me,

To rebuild the walls

That got broken

In my former town

The buildings that were

Crushed to nothing,

I decided to re-build my paper town

And fill up the space

In my paper town

That made it look

And feel so empty

Finally, I would no longer

Hear the echoes of my voice

Finally I will have a companion

Someone dedicated to my course

Finally, someone that will tell me

I’m beautiful in the middle of the

Night when my hair is all tangled

And looks like a ball of paper

Ready for disposal.

Finally someone that will tell me

How sexy I am even though

Deep down I know I look like

A bulb of onion waiting to be

Sliced and cooked

Finally someone to put

The crown on my head

The paper crown

And finally make me

The queen of my paper town

And give me the right to

Send every unwanted person away

I finally fell in love with that person

Because this person is everything

I want and need.

I felt in love with myself.

Because I realized it was all I needed.  

So no longer call me “paperiette the paper girl

Call me “Paper Queen”

Because I have assumed that post

I assumed it when I decided to

Let go of the past.

Trust me, it’s the best decision I have ever made.

 Ekab Takon

18/6/2017

9:37am

Paper girl series (part 4 ): Out of my league

I always knew you were,

 Out of my league,

That’s why I never really,

Bothered about you,

I admired you from afar,

The day you gave me a listening ear,

My eyes started spinning,

And my heart melted,

It wasn't exactly what I needed

In my life at that point

It wasn't even close,

But it was you and you are special to me

So I could really use the joy.

I guessed it would be short lived

I knew you were going to disrupt my life

I saw it coming so fast

Like a fish escaping from a fishing net

But it was already too late,

You had gone too far and I couldn't help it

Now we've gone quarter way,

And I can’t go any further  

Because if I do that will be the death of me,

And I’m not ready to risk my heart

 Again for any being similar to you

You are the sea , coming to sink all my

Paper structures but I won’t let you.

So therefore today,

I let go of you,

I cast every or any memory that I made

With you to paper memory land

And I locked it down with

 The largest chain of forgetfulness,

I cannot handle town destruction,

No, it isn't my hardest decision,

Because I made it before we,

Made memories,

So goodbye to you my dear,

Go be with someone who,

Is in you league;

Because you are a

 Hundred leagues above me

And I am really comfortable

In the league I am in right now. 

Now you will be just a person I once knew,

But i tell you it is better than a broken heart 

Ekab Takon

17/6/2017

9:22pm 

Paper girl series (part 3): Fairest of them all (letter to a fallen friend )

My friend, my sister

I wish I could genuinely call you my friend

It’s like you got a hold of

The world’s Heaviest lorry and  

Ran it across my heart, soul and spirit,

Because my body feels just fine,

I loved you so much,

We had spent years of peace and

Happy friendship before this

I don’t know what got into you.

It’s like beauty turned you into a monster.

You crushed my entire being

And I could have hated you,

But I was too hurt to hate you,

What I felt within was beyond

What Tears could hold

You made me a laughing stock,

You put every other person before me,

You are the real definition of

Beauty is pain

As everyone laughed at me,

I wondered how you could

Stand there and watch them

You watched them bully me,

Humiliate me and make me

 Feel so little of myself ,

In that very moment,

My love for you melted

Like a cube of sugar dropped

Into a cup of hot tea.

You know the worse part?

I had to pass by your bed every day,

See your face of betrayal and

Try not to drag you to the floor

And scream at you and ask you

Why you did me dirty.

But guess what?

 I didn’t.

You know what that’s called girl?

Self-esteem.

Rather, I found solace in my new town

My paper town,

With my paper soul,

And my paper heart,

Paper people within my paper town,

That would rather tear into sheds,

Than break me like you did me

There!

I learnt not to trust people,

Outside my paper town,

And I also learnt that,

Beauty can be the most deadly

Thing that can happen to a person.

Ekab Takon

17/6/2017

8:47pm

Paper girl series ( part 2 ) : Letter to the one who broke her .

I passed by you and your new lover today,

My heart literally touched my ribcage,

I wonder how I felt so much warmth,

 Instead of sharp pain,

Your usual cologne lingering behind,

Like the times you carried me from behind,

I didn’t know when the first drop of tears fell

From my left eye, but I know

 it felt like a jar of pepper had been poured into my eyes .

“Papierette” my friend called me

As she tugged at my right arm,

I gestured at her to stop shouting,

Then I stared;

Until I could barely see the back of your head

From the spot where I stood frozen

I knew i'd never get you back,

I mean , that will just be like ,

Killing myself all over again but this time

With a more dangerous weapon

I just wanted to thank you for the

Pint of affection you showed me

For the last 3 months,

I could never be more grateful.

Also, thank you for going with

The knife you used to stab my heart,

I hope you are satisfied with

The portion you took away that day,

The day you committed the worse crime

In the history of modern day love.

I hope she makes you smile,

The way I did,

And I hope she can tolerate you excesses

Oh!  Especially the fact that you can be slower

Than a snail.

I loved you with every fiber of my being,

I told you my fears about love,

I broke down my paper fences for you,

As if that wasn’t enough for you,

You went into my town and crushed

My whole world.

DAMN YOU.

Today I’m saying hello from

My newly built city,

Where i’ve finally found solace,

After years of roaming up and down

Thank you for giving me the opportunity

Of a fresh start,

Thank you for teaching me what love is not

I left the real world for you and your new lover

Because I can’t stand the sight of you two,

This time my Paper fences are strong enough,

To hold back twenty thousand men like you,

My self-worth glows brighter than the moon at night

My self-love is unbeatable

That was the missing piece ex-lover ‘

Thank you for helping me find it.

 THANK YOU SINCERELY.

Ekab Takon

17/6/2017

7:35pm